You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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