both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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