It was confusing and full of hummus
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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