So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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