if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is Oprah even human
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
