and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
