GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
