Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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