I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
