And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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