just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
