i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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