He asked to "fluff my boner.."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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