But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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