Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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