I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
