the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize