I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
