Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
