i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
