I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
