I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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