Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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