The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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