and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
