This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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