Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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