Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
