too bad you live with your parents still
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
