cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
