I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
