didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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