I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
