Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
