dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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