wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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