Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
