I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
