So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
its liver damage thursday
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
