Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
