the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
