Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
