I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
