even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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