We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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