I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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