i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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