Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
