Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
