Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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