I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
