Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
