He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have tasted many bathrooms
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
