Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
