Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish you could order shots online.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
