my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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