We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
