dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
