you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
