As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
