speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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