Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Found the puke drawer
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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