I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
