me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
