he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
