Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
