I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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