your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
