so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
