im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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