I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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