Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
where am i from again
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
