He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
