Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
