My balls are so social today.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
