Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
