i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize