Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
