very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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