May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
