Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
