I need help removing her.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
