so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
