please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
