Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
